The Word “But” – Communicating to Be Heard Corner
Ever hear a compliment, only to be let down when you hear the word “but”? “You’ve been doing a great job with counseling patients lately, BUT let us move more patients through the pharmacy faster.”
Before you hear anything else after “BUT”, you already anticipate to be let down by something negative. It’s what my friend & Communications Expert Kay White calls “The Great Eraser” in her #1 best-selling book “The A to Z of Being Understood: Make Your Voice Heard and Your Conversations Count”.
What if you could change the tone of what you’re about to say by making a simple switch?
Here are two simple tips I learned from Kay to overcome “The Great Eraser:”
Tip #1: Changing “but” to “and”. A useful way to avoid the “but” trap is to replace it with ”and.” The word “and” works as a bridge, instead of breaking the sentence up and highlighting the negative.
Example: “You’ve been doing a great job with counseling patients lately, and why don’t we move more patients through the pharmacy faster also.”
Tip #2: Flip It – Say the negative part first, and the positive part last. That way the comment is left on a positive note.
Example: We really need to move more patients through the pharmacy faster, but you’ve been doing a great job with counseling patients lately.
Doing this will make a difference between being heard and having both points received vs. ending a conversation on a negative note. Start watching for The Great Eraser as you counsel patients, talk to co-workers or your pharmacy manager, or even think to yourself—I’ll bet you catch yourself doing it more often than you think.
It might take a while to get used to pausing before talking to avoid using the word “but,” BUT it is worth it because it will make a huge difference in your communication skills and help you to really be heard in the work place and in your personal life. Comment below on what you think of these tips, or how it’s going for you trying them out.